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Friday, August 20, 2010

Suddenly Missing England…

I was riding pillion again this morning, the sky was really blue and the sun was more cheerful than usual, the air was cool due to the recent rain and the traffic was light enough so the motorcycle taxi didn’t need to pretend it was doing the downhill Alpine slalom, which was a nice change (and relief).
 
Suddenly there was a familiar smell of freshly cut grass, just like all those Hollywood movies... fade to ‘flash back’ :) there were several images in my mind, with one single thread between them all, England.
 
And for a moment I was totally missing England, after spending my most important years there (10 to 20 (something)), it has been just a little over ten years since I had left, but now and then something would trigger the fond memories, and today it was the smell of the freshly cut grass, what a way to start one’s morning.
 
Lately things have just been piling on and on, at work, moving home, the baby being poorly (although not anymore), now and then I could sense the panic attack edging ever so close, close enough to be whispering in my ear... feels like a huge weight being slowly lowered from above and showing no sign of mercy. The heart pounds harder and harder; air thinning all around, making each breathe more difficult than the one before.
 
I’d guess all that made me missed England even more, back to a simpler time where the only responsibility I had was to show up to class on time and get good (passable) grades :) Of course that could never be again nor would I want it again, as I wouldn’t trade my family for anything.
 
Responsibility is mandatory in life, it is a part of growing up, at the beginning my parents had to sacrifice the things they enjoy for me, and now it is time for me to be ‘responsible’, to be a good son, to be a good husband and father, to be a good friend, to be a good colleague, to be tied down to the monthly mortgage that is anchoring one to a job that one doesn’t particularly enjoy.
 
Logically there would always be someone in a worst or better situation than us, and many will say you shouldn’t complaint; others are facing worst things... I totally agree, but if everyone was logical I’d guess there would be fewer suicides around the world, sometimes logic just doesn’t come into play, it just sat on the bench begging to be put on the pitch.
 
Rambling a little too much now, hope things will improve for others who are feeling down in the dump, although they are probably better off than so many others... of course that would include yours truly as well.